itโs okay to be angry-just donโt live there
When someone asked me a decade ago why I wasnโt already writing for special needs parents, my gut response wasnโt pretty. It was honest, but not pretty at all. I was scared to write for special needs families. To be able to write in a way that addresses the very real pain points in a way that could be encouraging would mean Iโd need to deal with my own pain as a special needs parent. Iโd need to dig deep and digging deep can unbury a lot of unpretty things.
gracious Lord
โBut the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.โ Jแดแดแดsโฌ โญ3:17-18โฌ โญ
the lie of perfectionism
I saw someone from high school...that still looked just as beautiful as she did almost three decades ago. I know looks are superficial, but I was gutted.
the turning
The day had started rough. There had been words about college application essays, consonant blends(the โrโ can be brutal, yes?), morning chores not done, and a bike that had brakes removed and thrown away(that one still does not make sense, but I digress).
Friday reflection
Much can be said about leaning in. The leaning in to see clearer-to see others clearer and to allow ourselves to humbly be seen clearer.
leaning in
Thereโs nothing like a good before and after; but, for some reason, we rarely talk about all of the unspoken messiness in the middle. It could be because itโs not as glamorous, but the messy middle is where the nitty gritty beauty begins. Thatโs where I sat with home education this summer, the messy middle, hunting and yearning for beauty.
patience
My teen asked sarcastically if ๐๐ค๐ฅ๐ was a four letter word. (I should add it was in response to an economics lesson & we were discussing market crashes.) Without skipping a beat, it rolled off my tongue that ๐ฅ๐๐ฉ๐๐๐ฃ๐๐ was an eight letter word & God is teaching me that itโs needful to count to eight.โฃ โฃ โฃ
๐๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ช๐ฏ, ๐ฃ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ต, ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ต ๐ฆ๐ข๐ค๐ฉ ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ต๐ต๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ด๐ช๐ฏ๐ฌ & ๐ด๐ข๐ต๐ถ๐ณ๐ข๐ต๐ฆ ๐ฎ๐บ ๐ด๐ฐ๐ถ๐ญ, ๐ต๐ฆ๐ข๐ค๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ฑ๐ต๐ฉ ๐ธ๐ช๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ ๐ฆ๐ข๐ค๐ฉ ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ต๐ต๐ฆ๐ณ. โฃ โฃ โฃ
if I ever go down
If I แดแด แดส ษขแด แด แดแดกษด...may I have praise hands in the air, a song beating in my heart, and gratitude leaving my lips. โฃ โฃ โฃ Thankfulness ษชs แดสแด สแดแดsแด I แดแดแดสแด offer. โฃ โฃ God has given ๐๐๐๐๐ in my valleys, built ๐๐๐๐๐ in my storms, ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ in my bow.โฃ โฃ โฃ โฃ
reconnect
I can be sort of a planner nerd. I like my days organized with stickers and glitter and pretty pens. It started during a season of my husband working rotating shifts(LEO), myself on weekend night shifts, and a new baby. Coordinating our work hours was a necessity for functioning.
rest
There is work a caterpillar must do to grow; namely, it eats a lot. If at any time the caterpillar has not completed its sole purpose for its adult emergence, the metamorphosis process can still happen, but it requires purposeful work. Once safely cushioned and cocooned, the transformational miracle begins.
restore
I grew up with immense admiration for my great grandmother. Suzie was poised energy, accomplished and adored. When someone commented that they had never seen Suzie cry (even though I had secretly witnessed her shedding tears behind a partially closed door), I mimicked her battle plan as my battle cry. I pushed down hidden fears and tears for three decades.
when love lessons land
We all experience the pulls of craving belonging and purpose. This is about the day I met mine.
the reminder of pearls
๐ ๐ซ๐๐๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ฒ, สแดแดสสส ๐ฐ๐๐ง๐ญ๐๐ ๐ก๐๐ซ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ฅ๐ข๐ค๐ ๐ฆ๐. . . I was pretty sure that she had it ๐๐๐ together and had life figured out. I took her ๐๐๐ก-๐ ๐-๐๐๐๐ก๐๐ฆ ๐๐๐ฃ๐๐ advice and slowly started changing the core of who I was to fit โ๐๐ ideals; I thought thatโs what good girls do, you know? Our relationship was still fairly new and I watched her closely. She knew how to carry a room with her laughter, hadโฆ
retrospection
We came to a pandemic.
As an enneagram six, I pondered all the worst case scenarios and plotted statistics into my autoimmune survival plan. I stocked up, sheltered in, ready for the long haul.
reimagine
By four years old, I knew in my heart that I wanted 3 things: I wanted to be a nurse, a mother, and a wife. I wanted them pretty much in that order-I was four years old, wisdom or experience clearly wasnโt available yet. At nine years old, my babysitter gave me my first journal-just a simple, small, dime store journal that I could hide my hopes and dreams, fears and horrors-safely held under lock and key. As space ran outโฆ
friends that love
Itโs been a heavy week. It couldnโt be polished pretty or wrapped in a bow. This week, I needed to kneel.