in my experience, fear will try to drown you
I canโt even begin to tell you how many conversations with my husband have started with the phrase โ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ ๐ ๐ฅ๐ช๐ฅ ๐ธ๐ข๐ด ๐จ๐ฐ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฃ๐ข๐ต๐ฉ๐ณ๐ฐ๐ฐ๐ฎ.โ
โจIโm not talking about sitting in there elaborately fixing hair and make up. Iโm talking about just a really quick, just a second, kind of deal. At the time, we had no TV to babysit the children and they really were happily swinging on a swing set (๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ง๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ค๐ฆ, ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐บ ๐ธ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ข๐จ๐ฆ๐ด 5-13). It felt harmless-big words for this helicopter mama.
๐ ๐ฉ๐๐ค๐ช๐๐๐ฉ ๐๐ก๐ก ๐ฌ๐ค๐ช๐ก๐ ๐๐ ๐ค๐ ๐๐ฎ.
Our boys are fairly sweet, good kids... who still happen to be very fast and increasingly agile with a heart for mischief(so yeah, thereโs that too).
โจI peeked out the bathroom window and ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐บ ๐ธ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ฏโ๐ต ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ข๐ฏ๐บ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ฆ. I quickly washed my hands and peeked out the dining room window and ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐บ ๐ธ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ฏโ๐ต ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ฆ๐ช๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ. ๐๐๐๐ฃ ๐ข๐ฎ ๐๐๐๐ง๐ฉ ๐จ๐ช๐ฃ๐ ; because, when I looked out the back window, all I saw was a tricycle floating in a pond at the other end of the property.
Now for all the special-needs parents, you know ๐๐ญ๐๐๐ฉ๐ก๐ฎ where my heart went. When you have lived in the land of statistics, itโs hard not to remember those statistics when you look out there and you donโt see any of your children, ๐ฃ๐ถ๐ถ๐ถ๐ต you see a tricycle floating in the middle of a pond.
โจSo, I did exactly what every mother would-I started screaming like a crazy mama bear who canโt find her cubs. I grabbed my phone, took a quick picture, and texted our family emergency password to my husband. To this day, I have no clue if he called back or texted back. I just know that he was there in less than 20 minutes(by then I had found the mancubs-๐ธ๐ฆโ๐ญ๐ญ ๐จ๐ฆ๐ต ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ฑ๐ข๐ณ๐ต ๐ช๐ฏ ๐ข ๐ฎ๐ช๐ฏ๐ถ๐ต๐ฆ).
Fear was gripping me tight at the tenderest parts of my heart and I felt nauseated and couldnโt breathe knowing the biggest fear of my life may very well be floating in front of me. Looking at that picture six years later, something inside of me still sinks heavy from the weight of all of that fear.
๐๐๐๐ฉโ๐จ ๐๐ค๐ฌ ๐๐๐๐ง ๐ฉ๐๐๐๐๐๐จ ๐ช๐จ.
Your fear may not be a floating tricycle, but ๐๐๐๐ง ๐ ๐ฃ๐ค๐ฌ๐จ ๐๐ญ๐๐๐ฉ๐ก๐ฎ ๐๐ค๐ฌ ๐ฉ๐ค ๐๐๐ฉ ๐ฉ๐ค ๐ฎ๐ค๐ช.
โจIt may be your relationships or your family or a job that you love or an education you are working so hard for. It may be a marriage that you are giving everything you have to save.
โจWhatever your fear is, fear is a pesky beast that knows exactly how to find you. Thereโs nothing you can do to make it not exist, BUT how you approach it and how you deal with it and how you choose to put fear to the side(instead of giving it permission to stand in front of you and block you) will make a difference.
For me? The first thing that crept out of my soul were three words that caused me to pause and focus so I could find my babies. ๐๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ฆ ๐ด๐ช๐ฎ๐ฑ๐ญ๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ฅ๐ด ๐ธ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ โ๐ ๐๐จ๐ช๐จ, ๐ฅ๐ก๐๐๐จ๐ ๐๐๐ก๐ฅ!โ
โจ๐๐ต ๐ธ๐ข๐ด ๐ง๐ข๐ด๐ต, ๐ช๐ต ๐ธ๐ข๐ด ๐ด๐ช๐ฎ๐ฑ๐ญ๐ฆ, ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ช๐ต ๐ธ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ฌ๐ฆ๐ฅ. โ๐ ๐๐จ๐ช๐จ, ๐ฅ๐ก๐๐๐จ๐ ๐๐๐ก๐ฅโ was the pause to help me realize I would never find my babies if I stood there letting fear have the final say.
โจNope. Fear HAD to step aside and I couldnโt do it by myself. โ๐ ๐๐จ๐ช๐จ, ๐ฅ๐ก๐๐๐จ๐ ๐๐๐ก๐ฅโ gave me a crucial pause and a chance to focus on what was really important.
I started hearing echoing giggles from those pine trees you see in the background of the picture. My four precious wild blessings were hiding in those pine trees, but close enough to watch me running around like a mama bear.
๐๐ฆ๐ข๐ณ๐ด ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ญ๐ช๐ฆ๐ง ๐ง๐ญ๐ฐ๐ธ๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ญ๐ช๐ฌ๐ฆ ๐ข๐ฃ๐ถ๐ฏ๐ฅ๐ข๐ฏ๐ต ๐จ๐ณ๐ข๐ค๐ฆ.
Fear would have loved to drown me that morning and fear would love to grip and drown you at the most tender places of your heart, too.
โจThose moments when fear tries to grab you and pull you down? ๐๐ข๐ถ๐ด๐ฆ. ๐๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ. โ๐ ๐๐จ๐ช๐จ, ๐ฅ๐ก๐๐๐จ๐ ๐๐๐ก๐ฅ.โ
โAnswer me when I call, O God of my righteousness! You have given me relief when I was in distress. Be gracious to me and hear my prayer!โ โญPsalmโฌ โญ4:1โฌ โญ
