don’t do life alone

The day that I thought a shower plus hair wash plus shaving all on the same day was a luxury 𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 have been thoroughly eye opening and disappointing. I was a new mother with a seriously colicky babe. We’d been offered help here and there, but I never accepted. Partially, because he unnervingly screamed for sixteen weeks. Partially, because I was an emotional postpartum hot mess. Partially, because after years of infertility and surgeries and miscarriages, I burdened myself with the task of doing this motherhood thing right (although, let’s be honest, 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘯𝘰 𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘢 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘢𝘴). Partially, because I didn’t want to risk disappointment. Either way, 𝙄 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙙𝙤𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙢𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙝𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙖𝙡𝙤𝙣𝙚, 𝙩𝙚𝙘𝙝𝙣𝙞𝙘𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙗𝙮 𝙘𝙝𝙤𝙞𝙘𝙚. ⁣

⁣ ⁣ 𝗜𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂’𝘃𝗲 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗽𝗿𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝗼𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝘀𝘂𝗳𝗳𝗶𝗰𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗰𝘆 𝗼𝗿 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝘂𝗻𝗰𝗵 𝗶𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗽𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲? 𝙒𝙚𝙡𝙡, 𝙞𝙩 𝙢𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙗𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙘𝙖𝙪𝙨𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪’𝙫𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙚𝙣 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙤𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙗𝙮 𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙨.⁣

I’ve seen multiple variations of ^this^ floating around the internet and social media waves-each time I read it, it stings a bit. Whether the people that disappointed me did it intentionally, not intentionally, or because they were honestly doing all they could to care for themselves? Regardless of the reason, each time I chose staunch independence, I added a hidden notch into my self-sufficiency belt and pushed the need for others a touch further away. My wall of pride was building sky high to avoid the risk of feeling the sting of disappointment. Independence increased and the creep of loneliness shadowed in.⁣ ⁣ ⁣ It hurts to be hurt. It hurts even more to realize the sting you feel is one that you built one independent brick at a time.⁣ ⁣

The weight you’re carrying on your shoulders? Sweet sister, we were never meant to carry that alone. Once I fully absorbed that truth, opened my eyes to my self-created cavern, it was easier to wave my hands and ask for help.⁣ ⁣ ⁣