the growth of growing pains
When we started this crazy homeschool adventure in 2009, graduation wasn’t even on my radar. Here we are-him spreading wings, me grateful that I was able to share this part of his life journey with him.
Seven words that will best describe my journey through homeschooling:
denial
resistance
grief
openness
acceptance
begrudged
embrace
Although a really honest grouping, it’s not a pretty one at all, is it??
If you’d asked me two decades ago what I’d be doing, homeschooling my adventurous wild blessings would NOT have been in our conversation. I knew it was a “thing”, I’d met some really neat people who were homeschooled-I just didn’t think it fit in my repertoire and it didn’t interest me...but then mancub1 started kindergarten.
He was miserable.
Despite months of trying to coax him into the merits of kindergarten, he came home miserable and exhausted daily from sitting still (the irony, yes?). It wasn’t the teachers. He adored the teachers. However, it became quickly apparent that there were some areas that he was way ahead academically and some areas that were just plain hard. At five years old, he was like any other human, an individual that was good at some things and had to work hard on other things. And kindergarten isn’t a fair ball field. It levels and doesn’t allow individualism.
While homeschooling gives individualism a fighting chance, it was me that ended up leveled. I still needed to grow just as much as him. There have been days that he has been the teacher and I the student. I may have taught him fractions, but he taught my heart. He’s the little man that roots for the underdog and befriends them. He sees the potential in others instead of their flaws and he grieved injustice before I even knew it was a thing.
Grief can feel a lot like growing pains. And growing pains mean growth is coming. He knew early on how to make me aware of my weaknesses, my flaws. Because of him, I learned the power of prayer and faith and eternal hope for answered prayers.
He has just a few weeks left of school and I keep questioning myself-have we done enough, covered enough. This is what he’s proven despite my worry. He stops when he sees someone is hurting and sits with them until they are okay. He seeks knowledge instead of relying on easy defaults. If someone doesn’t look or think or act like him, he still sees them as a valued creation from God.
In essence, the arms that finally embraced this crazy homeschooling thing and the mancub that led us here are now learning to open the embrace and let him fly.
