9/7/2022
I think we all hit a point where we understand our human-intentioned plans aren’t working. Places and spaces of grace where our sensitivities will speak to us if we take the time to listen.
Mine was glittery shoes. I know, right?
Fanciest schmancy-est glittery shoes in an effort to remember beauty-that I indeed wanted beauty in the every day.
I thought a pair of shoes could show me beauty.
As a bonafide boy mom, my daily “uniform” includes practical comfy shoes, shoes that allow me to keep up with my wild active blessings. It isn’t glamorous and I wasn’t okay with that. I craved things I considered girly in my life. Jeans, tshirts, and tennies don’t feel girly glam- like ever- to me personally. But I saw these shoes and I convinced myself that low heeled glitter shoes could make me feel fancy. I grabbed them without even trying them on my arthritic feet. Their sale priced beauty caused a placebo effect. I was sure I’d feel girly again, that a pair of shoes could be a needed gift to myself.
Sunday morning rolled around and I planned an entire outfit around these shoes. They felt fine when I slid my feet in, they felt fine when I checked on the chickens in the coop on the way to the car. They looked heavenly good when I gathered one kiddo off the play set and carried him to the car. But, I noticed on the ride to church that I felt the rough texture of the shoes on my toes.
I dismissed noticed discomfort-they were beautiful. If the sun hit them just right, little rainbows emerged from each glittery speck. Blinded by the shoe’s outer earthly beauty, I didn’t notice my feet swell.
Fifteen minutes later, we pulled into the church parking lot. As we unloaded the first child out of his car seat, it hit. My feet ached. The ache started feeling like blistered flesh at my toes.
The toes felt like they had heartbeats. You can imagine what they felt like after Sunday school and service.
Those beautiful shoes were commemorated with a quick needed retirement picture.
I bandaged toes and heels and donned the softest socks and slippers I could find. The softness of the socks reminding me of the season I was in-a season that needed me to wear jeans, tshirts, and comfy shoes, shoes that might not look pretty on the outside, but cushioned my days and helped me keep up with the most wonderful wild blessings. That evening, I gingerly walked to the pond edge, watching wild boys fish with their daddy(bless his heart).
And that’s where I felt it, beauty. The peace of sitting and watching all the goodness already right there.
Here’s the whole deal. I never needed glitter shoes-even though the tiny sunlit rainbows emanating from the glitter were downright delightful, they were merely a beautiful destructive distraction. I needed to posture my days so I could see beauty already in front of me.
