don’t do life alone
The day that I thought a shower plus hair wash plus shaving all on the same day was a luxury 𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 have been thoroughly eye opening and disappointing. I was a new mother with a seriously colicky babe. We’d been offered help here and there, but I never accepted. Partially, because he unnervingly screamed for sixteen weeks. Partially, because I was an emotional postpartum hot mess. Partially, because after years of infertility and surgeries and miscarriages, I burdened myself with the task of doing this motherhood thing right (although, let’s be honest, 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘯𝘰 𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘢 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘢𝘴). Partially, because I didn’t want to risk disappointment. Either way, 𝙄 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙙𝙤𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙢𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙝𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙖𝙡𝙤𝙣𝙚, 𝙩𝙚𝙘𝙝𝙣𝙞𝙘𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙗𝙮 𝙘𝙝𝙤𝙞𝙘𝙚.
𝗜𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂’𝘃𝗲 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗽𝗿𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝗼𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝘀𝘂𝗳𝗳𝗶𝗰𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗰𝘆 𝗼𝗿 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝘂𝗻𝗰𝗵 𝗶𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗽𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲? 𝙒𝙚𝙡𝙡, 𝙞𝙩 𝙢𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙗𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙘𝙖𝙪𝙨𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪’𝙫𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙚𝙣 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙤𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙗𝙮 𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙨.
I’ve seen multiple variations of ^this^ floating around the internet and social media waves-each time I read it, it stings a bit. Whether the people that disappointed me did it intentionally, not intentionally, or because they were honestly doing all they could to care for themselves? Regardless of the reason, each time I chose staunch independence, I added a hidden notch into my self-sufficiency belt and pushed the need for others a touch further away. My wall of pride was building sky high to avoid the risk of feeling the sting of disappointment. Independence increased and the creep of loneliness shadowed in. It hurts to be hurt. It hurts even more to realize the sting you feel is one that you built one independent brick at a time.
The weight you’re carrying on your shoulders? Sweet sister, we were never meant to carry that alone. Once I fully absorbed that truth, opened my eyes to my self-created cavern, it was easier to wave my hands and ask for help.
