I ran away, and I’m not ashamed of it anymore
I’m not sure why, I just thought adulthood would be easier than hard childhood. That, I’d know how to do life. But, here’s the part I missed-you bring into adulthood things you carried with you, good and not good.
I can’t even begin to count all the times I ran away as child and teen. Packed up and ran-mostly, no one noticed. Running became habit. And when you’ve trained mind and body to run, it becomes the familiar path your feet cling to. It becomes the place you’ll believe you can breathe free.
It was a Tuesday afternoon and tiredness heaped higher than I knew possible. I ran away. I’m not embarrassed or even remotely shamed anymore. My husband knew, childcare was planned. But I had to run. Body, mind, and soul crumbling. Self care/soul care is a form of respect-not just for yourself, but for other people in your life. Not stewarding the individual physical body entrusted to you by the Creator will catch up with you.
In the middle of marital crisis and hard choices that accompanied our son’s special needs plus with people pleasing passiveness, my body was crumbling. Exhaustion circling in. I ran away to South Carolina and prayer walked alone for a week. A friend met me there days later for her own respite.
The more I prayed, I was reminded of Joshua in the Bible. When God gave him clear leading, he didn’t question it. He didn’t balk. He arose early and obeyed, even if the plan didn’t make sense to others.
When I felt that nudge myself, I knew I shouldn’t balk either. Standing with purpose and conviction-without knowing the consequences-was new. Its own sort of scary freedom.
Following God’s calling for your life won’t always be easy; in fact, it may call you to lean in and grow in ways didn’t didn’t know possible.
Running didn’t change the situation. It didn’t change glaringly obvious decisions I was running from making. However, it offered a unique perspective; when I paused long enough to look at the situation, I could see see with clarity.
If life and motherhood looks nothing like you imagined, maybe pause, get quiet and listen for God.
Running away is rarely the answer{if you are in danger-escape danger, release fear}.
